You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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