last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
