I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
