sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
