One girl and one boy is just not enough.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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