I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
