I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
