she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize