batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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