shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
