so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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