I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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