sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just want nice things and good sex
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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