birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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