i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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