She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
