The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
