Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
