Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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