u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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