Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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