How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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