I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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