I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
