I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
