I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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