Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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