i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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