He passed out mid-signature
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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