why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
