i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
