apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
