By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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