it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
