I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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