i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
