i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
