I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
