Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
the liver wants what the liver wants
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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