This is not my ceiling
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
