Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
