she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
