The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
