what day is it and did you see me today?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
