my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
