Can i not drive my cunt home
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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