guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
