Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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