Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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