Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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