You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
