I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
