im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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