Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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