# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
