I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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