why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
