I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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