i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
