I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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