i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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