The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
