Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
