I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
