Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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