Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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