I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
