Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
