I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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