4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
